sealwoman

....yesterday, a pigeon got caught by a train and was thrown into the Sh! backyard. It's wing was broken, it's upper body looked crippled. It was quite clear that it wouldn't survive by itself and that the kindest thing to do was to put it out of it's misery. It was too late in the day to call the animal well-fare people, so I killed it.

The act sent me into hysterics. I approached it slowly and put a cloth over it and then gently wrapped it in the cloth to pick it up. I couldn't twist its neck, though I tried, but it didn't die. I remembered there was something weird about bird necks in that they aren't easy to snap. So I ended up bludgeoning it to death. It took me four blows. The pour thing must have suffered, though I think my emotional pain might have matched its physical pain. Though it looked calm and half asleep with the cloth over its little head. I really hope its pain was so great that it didn't feel much anymore. Felt nauseated and covered in cold sweat afterward. I still feel horrid remembering the sound the spate made and the feeling of hitting something soft and alive.

I always thought that killing is not as easy as it looks, though I guess shooting something is still the easiest, but I didn't think it would be that hard. I think what really gets to me is that 'the act of killing out of kindness' seems to be just another way of justifying playing God. I feel guilty.

...that is commonly (as in hegemonic discourse of that culture) thought of as conscious, but that, in its healthy form has no capability of moving about of its own accord?

Robert A. Johnson, Jungian Analyst, explains through the use of myth how the masculine and feminine relate and complement one another.
"Few women understand how great is the hunger in a man to be near femininity. This should not be a burden for a woman and she will not have to bear this in such a solitary manner all of her life. As a man discovers his own inner femininity, he will not rely so heavily on the outer woman to live this out for him. But if a woman wishes to give a most precious gift to a man, if she would truly feed his greatest masculine hunger ( a hunger which he will seldom show but is often there), she will be very feminine when her man is mutely asking for that precious quality. It is especially true that when a man is in a mood he needs true femininity from his woman so that he may get his bearings and be a man again" (She, Robert A. Johnson; pg. 33).

"We often project our relationship, or lack of one, with our inner femininity onto an outer flesh-and-blood woman...Man has only two alternatives for relationship to his inner woman: either he rejects her and she turns against him in the form of bad moods and undermining seductions, or he accepts her and finds within a companion who walks through life with him giving him warmth and strength" (He; pg 33-34).

Just to make it known:

I HAVE PASSED MY MSc GENDER!!!!!!!

So now I can have an opinion on feminist issues, snigger.

Does anyone know how the link a table to a access database field in such a way, that although you have a dropdown list with word values, it actually, when runing a query, looks up the reference code for that word value and displays the reference code?
Any help welcome, thanx.

I'm developing the terrible urge to shove my neighbours' children's faces into the fucking concrete.

There are three little girls living next door and one little girl living downstairs; between them I just don't get lie in's anymore. Lie in: sleeping longer then 9am. And I can't do ear plugs, because they prevent me from hearing my alarm clock during the week. There is also running on wooden floors involved, that has the effect of making my flat shake.

Downstairs was a really quiet baby, heard her scream maybe once or twice, but her dad died in spring, very suddenly, and although she is too young to understand what happened, she must be picking up her mum's grief. So it's not a case of talking to my downstairs neighbour. What could I possibly say?

Next door seems equally effected by her children than I am and looses her temper more often now. However, she has stopped her children from doing the most annoying things, like playing thunder at 8am by kicking a large metal gardening tools cupboard.

This whole scenario is going to get more taxing, as I am, from Monday onwards, a full time worker. I still have my CBA job, but I will also be sewing harnesses for Sh!. It'll be boring, but they have two beautiful industrial sewing machines, had a go on them for my interview, they purr like cats and have names.

Yes, yes, as soon as I found out what kind of discount on Sh! products I get, you are welcome to ask me to benefit from that!

Just in case you haven't heard, we have a new solar system!

Object	IAU Definition	IAU Planet Category	Descriptive Category	Unofficial mean diameter - estimate
Mercury	Planet		Classical	4,879 km
Venus	Planet		Classical	12,104 km
Earth	Planet		Classical	12,746 km
Mars	Planet		Classical	6,780 km
Jupiter	Planet		Classical	138,346 km
Saturn	Planet		Classical	114,632 km
Uranus	Planet		Classical	50,532 km
Neptune	Planet		Classical	49,105 km
Ceres	Planet		Dwarf	952 km
Pluto	Planet	Pluton	Dwarf	2306+20 km
Charon	Planet	Pluton	Dwarf	1205+2 km
2003 UB313(Xena)	Planet	Pluton	Dwarf	2400 +100 km</span>

Here I was, thinking that the thought experiments about brain transplants are interesting, but surely the fact that brains cannot be transplanted, is common sense; and yet I found this: http://216.247.9.207/ny-best.htm

... has just happened; I might have jjust become a fatalist.

As part of my revision schedule, I've spend yesterday, looking at Genuine Modal Realism (GMR)and I don't see why Possible Worlds (PW) should be disreputable entities at all. PW in a nutshell are like Goedel's parallel universes, reflecting possibility: "absolutely every way that a world could possibly be is a way that some world is" (Lewis, On the Plurality of Worlds (986; Blackwell) p.2). It solves a lot of problems in Modal Logic, but seems inadequate to deal with meta-analysis (see above link). Anyhow, it also commits the GMRealist to fatalism, because the PW, according to D.Lewis cannot overlap in any way (and yes, the personal identity, which becomes the theory of counterparts, poses problems if you are a non-essentialist, but it cause problems everywhere in Analytical Philosophy), meaning that our world in it's totality (everybit, across space-time, yes the def. is not very water-tight) is completely pre-determined, which goes really well with material reductionism/physicalism as a theory of mind. Most people think that that is a good enough reason to dismiss GMR, but is it?

Maybe every choice we arrive at is a necessary consequence of the sum of every tiny event that happened to us and our world, but it seems like choice (meaning, we are in the driving seat), because human life couldn't sustain itself, if humans believed they had no influence on what is happening to them. This also goes well with ontological anti-realism/agnosticism, which I favour.

However, I think it's possible to believe in the PW, but scrap the idea of no overlap between them and involve some kind of branching, because it seems very in-efficient to have a PW, which is exactly like ours, except, my counterpart has eaten, rice yesterday, not potatoes, so that the PW with my rice-eating counterpart, has just branched off, and it is difficult so see how my counterparts choice of lunch could influence events in that PW in any way that stretches beyond my counterpart.

Branching PW makes GMR just so much more complicated, because it puts the posibility that consciousness is willed back in the equation. So I'm wondering about Ockham's razor.

Any idea's? Anyone?

TalkTalk - 8mb broadband and phone calls for really cheap. They say that they'll restrict P2P traffic during busy server times and if excessively used. How do they know if you're using P2P and is there a way to hide what your doing?

Do you think it's a fair comment to say that post-structuralism incorporates just another way of avoiding to ever have to admit that one is wrong? I know this is a bit simplistic, but if all accounts of the 'truth' are equally valuable, then no-one is ever wrong. In a way it seems like the logical next step of a culture that places so much value on individualism, a culture were it's 'eat or be eaten', a culture in which being wrong can be detrimental.

What do you think?

Got a letter from my mum yesterday, and instead of more problem-dealing, she 'just' thanked me for all my support.
Sometimes I do wonder how exactly it happened that I'm blessed with having so many nice people in my life.

I just saw a car with a London street atlas positioned on top of it driving by my window just as I was reading about the vortexes in London Streets. Yes, it's a liiiittle thin, I know, but I'm having a great time.

Happy Spring everyone!

I still got this squeaker living with me, I don't think I would mind if it wasn't weeing all over my flat and going to extraordinary length to get at my cake. Yes, that's right, it'll only eat sweet things. I have invested in a very nice live trap and offered some of my stollen, but the mouse isn't having any of it.
Poison is out of the question for various reasons, traps appear to not work, plus I would like to avoid killing it myself, so the only other thing I can think of is borrowing a cat, though most pet cats won't eat it and so I'd still be left with clearing away a body.

Does anybody have some advise on how to catch the little bastard without torturing it? Thanx.

You Are Death

You symbolize the end, which can be frightening. But you also symbolize the immortality of the soul. You represent transformation, rebirth of a new life. Sweeping away the past is part of this card, as painful as it may be. Your fortune: Don't worry, this card does not predict death itself. Instead it foreshadows the ending of an era of your life, one that is hard to let go of. But with the future great new things will come, and it's time to embrace them. Mourn for a while, but then face the future with humility and courage.

...strange how they get from my name to a tarot card. Thanx Jac, will check what type of candy I am next, :-)

It's wierd, I've been bereavement problem solving for the past 9 month and my life is slowley starting to focus on other things. I'm moving on. But at the same time, the more I pay less attention to the fact that my dad is dead, the more profound are the moments when I'm thinking of him: this is what it's going to be like for the rest of my life. That fact isn't changing, like everything else above and below.

I'm turning 25 tomorrow, and it's just another day, another year, but he should be here.

Did anybody know that LSD can produce occlusive stroke?

marks out of friday ...let's tear it all down and start again